I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
