the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
