ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
