just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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