you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
