even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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