Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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