He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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