Nicole vs. Life
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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