Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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