Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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