I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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