we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
