That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
