Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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