...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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