i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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