This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
