You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
