We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
