There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
