I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
