my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had to cum in my sink.
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