He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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