When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
