I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
