I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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