There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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