The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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