He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
