I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
