ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize