I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
