I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
