I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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