he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
