so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
