Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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