My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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