just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
