thus making me awesome and them whores
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
