oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
