my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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