The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Buhtt sex?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
