We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
