Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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