What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
