it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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