hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
