One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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