dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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