you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
