NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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