I cannot find my penis.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that's an acceptable place to lick
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
