You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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