just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
