He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
