you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
