So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
