party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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