I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
