I just threw up on my dentist
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
