Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
