FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
